I feel like I am sneaking in and leaving a little surprise. It is past 3 am here and I'm listening to some stuff I downloaded from emusic. Shameless plug to emusic here. It is not for everyone, and most people would be disappointed there is no mainstream stellar band groups to download. Glenn hates it, he says I listen to crap, but then again, I found some Reverend Horton Heat he hadn't heard. It's all a matter of taste, acquired and just the regular kind...Latest downloads are Pixies, "Surfer Rosa"; Bauhaus, "In the Flat Field"; and the Damned, "So, who's Paranoid?", this latter one an awesome return from a great band. IMHO, of course
Not sure who is going to read this after such a long hiatus. I am sure people, like me, just move on. Seldom do I look back these days. I do wonder what would have happened if 360 had remained healthy. I find it curious that at this late stage of the game Yahoo is re- vamping the contacts and the email sections. What for? I don't even update my profile anymore :-P Nowadays, I find myself going to Neopets.com more often than to my YIM. It is more probable to find my kids there. Yep, I have an account there, and I do feed my pets regularly ( uh-huh I got 4 of those critters) The other reason I go online is to check on notes on the game Fallout 3. Finished the game last week, and despite the lousy ending, I find myself creating a new character and playing it again. A sign of a very addicting game, not since Final Fantasy 4 have I replayed a game with such enthusiasm.
Attended a Christmas Party at Glenn's friends' house last weekend. Everyone invited had to bake X-mas cookies. G, as the superb baker he is, had a batch of rugulas ( is that how you spell it?) Did have cold feet about going, especially when no one there is someone I knew. The host and hostess did a great job though. I found myself not hanging with any particular group. Either you found me in front of the TV with the guys shooting the football crap or I was in the kitchen with some of the girls just chit chatting bout food or my hair, which received a bunch of compliments. Kudos to Eric ( my hairdresser) who decided on layering. No pics, sorry :-P I would say there were about 20-30 guests. Mostly, straight couples and 2-3 gay couples. I assume everyone knew about me beforehand, without meeting me. No one asked any awkward questions and nobody seemed to have a problem with pronouns, which wouldn't have made a difference. Couple of guys kinda stared but not too intently. It was fun.
Best for last: Last nite. Was running on empty, so I stopped at the gas station. Regular was 1.699. My 30 bucks usually fill half a tank, but this time it filled the whole tank. Excited and happy I went home, parked and just chilled. Around 10.30 pm hysterical firemen showed up at the door. They ended towing my van because the plastic gas tank had cracked and gas was leaking everywhere. You should file for bankruptcy Ford Motor Co. shame on you- plastic gas tanks, ugh! Took 300.00 to take the car out of the towing company's pound. My mechanic wanted 450 bucks to replace the tank. I think I am going to junk the dang thing, even if we find the part in a junkyard, changing a gas tank must really be a pain in the rear. So it looks like I will be out of a ride for X-mas. And that's not all. My phone in the morning decided to stop working. Making an hour long line to get a new phone was very exciting, really. I'm glad I had all my Christmas shopping done. Only thing is my Az trip is in jeopardy until my next paycheck rolls in.
Oh yeah, there are some pics. I didn't take them. A good friend of mine told me I had some pics in the magazine "Transformation" Really? I said. I was wondering what had happened to some porn pics I misplaced a long time ago, just kidding. So since I don't subscribe I asked if she could send them in an email, which she did. As a thought though, who reads mags these days anyways? The pics are from a couple of years ago, from an event I attended in Miami Beach. I don't think I look that good in them, but I was flaunting my hair. Eric would kill me if he saw the mess I had on my hair then ...
Anyhoo, If you read this before the 25, I hope you have a wonderful Holiday. Best wishes for the best in 2009. Wonder if my wireless PS3 hand control is fully charged by now....
Routine. Day after day, hour after hour I feel like I have been trapped in a hamster wheel. A very entertaining and distracting wheel, indeed. I don't really feel like thinking, or doing the IM thing. Can't be bothered if making this wheel turn seems so interesting. It isn't really like there is a whole lot to do after coming back from work. Glenn calls me a bedbug: I get home, take off the work clothes and plop my ass on bed. Maybe I should find something interesting to do. But I don't feel like it. Besides the bed is soft, and the bedroom is the warmest room in the house. I don't really want to have any drama in my life, even though that would make my life a bit more interesting to retell. Yep, not a lot of things get me fired up these days, it is more comfy to sit in bed and play Neopets Flash games with my kids.
There is a turning point in your life when you stop doing crazy things. You remember certain things you rather keep to yourself. Like when you were in the back of a police car for disturbing the peace back in Peru. Or when you marched with a bunch of other college students, interrupting traffic and running the risk of being hit by a bus. I think it was a solidarity march with the miner's union, although I think it was a good excuse for skipping a failing class. Yea, the wild days. It was always a protest in Peru. We did like to complain a lot and let everyone know about it. Sometimes things got ugly, cops on horses were quite intimidating. And the water gun, ugh. Didn't sit in the cop car too long. My godfather ( Rip) was a colonel in the Peruvian Air Force and his name carried some weight. The slap on the face and the couple of kicks I got from the cops did not wipe the grin of my face as I was let go. Crazy days indeed. My grandpa had been a political prisoner during one of the numerous dictatorships Peru used to have. He never talked about it, but my mom always told me the stories. I knew they were not fake because while working at my grandpa's print shop I always noticed political propaganda lying around. He used to print it for free, he never charged for any of it. His political party was illegal for many decades, and he enjoyed the fact that his party won the election during the mid-1980's before he passed away. The current government is also that same party, guess they re doing something right. I wonder if the Us Customs would've let me in if they knew I was this nuts...
Everyone has written about the elections lately. I can't be happier. I followed B. Obama since the primaries. I like to follow politics. Tell you the truth, I liked Dennis Kucinich more, he is just a firecracker. But I knew he was not going to win cuz he is too liberal sometimes. But little Dennis is my hero, he is the one who insisted on impeaching Bush and our heartless vicepresident, even after Pelosi said there was not going to be any impeachments. I think the benefit of the majority superseded the needs of the minorities in this election. Propositions 8 and 2, in California and Florida passed, probably because the black vote decidedly voted for Obama but was definitely against same sex marriage. I think this is a matter of education. The black voters followed their preachers, who obviously would be against anything unholy. Interference of Church in State affairs? Yep, aren't they a meddlesome bunch?
There is no need to blame or feel angry against anybody. It is much better to find a solution. I think protesting works. I do feel like we should voice our opinion, let's make ourselves heard. Can't help but feel like second class citizens. though. We didn't make enough to educate the black vote so they could understand we are being discriminated like they were being discriminated a couple of decades ago.
I attended a town hall meeting, not so long ago, in which the representative of the NAACP was in the panel of speakers. I remember she said, our fight is their fight and that they would be behind us 100%. Glenn can back me up on this, cuz he was there too. I feel like we are not alone in this. We can't do the fighting by ourselves and be taken seriously. Alliances are good. We have waited and we can wait a few more months, I understand there are priorities, like the economy. But we must keep this issue in the front of the news. Protests are good and the Day of Remembrance this month is a good time to be seen and heard. Find out when they're gonna have services in your area, try to attend, that's the least you can do. It sucks to have a right being taken away from you by popular vote. Why is a right that everyone else has, included in a ballot for the majority to vote on? How did it get there in the first place? I don't know all the political intricacies but I suppose there is a clear disregard for a constitution that claims it contains inalienable rights for every citizen. Everyone is talking about how America has again become the greatest democracy in the world. How come other democracies like Croatia, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Hungary, Iceland, Norway, Portugal, Sweden, the Netherlands and Belgium have allowed same sex marriages for years now? Same sex partner benefits are also recognized in countries such as Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Canada, Colombia, Costa Rica, Israel, Italy, New Zealand, South Africa( the country, not the continent Palin followers...) and Spain. America has now to catch up. So, if you have been caught in a rut for a while, remember you can't complain about your rights being taken away without doing nothing about it. Get off your couch, stop playing that video game, don't worry about dumb jocks and their affairs with grabbing a football and attend your local Day of Remembrance services. You know what we are remembering, right? If that is not enough motivation, I do not know what will :-)
*note: all the pictures are from the protests against the passing of Prop 8 in Cali. More than 5000 gathered to march, crazy people :-P
Sometimes, I think about the dozen or so blogs I meant to write but forgot, or about the six or so I actually posted and then deleted. (Maybe you were lucky or not to read the latter) Many times I felt it was a good idea but then suddenly I realized it was either irrelevant or just too personal. Tonite is one of such times where I think the points touched are quite personal. Maybe I will delete this soon, if I see too much info has leaked out, oh well. This has been one of the most positive weekends this year. Not only was I not working, but I had time to enjoy the company of my family and the company of G's friends. Saturday nite, my mom invited me over to her house as usual, but we ended up in an Argentinian Steak House. She had brought along a friend of hers and her son, and since I knew beforehand they were going to be there, I went along with the plan. Now, going to Mom's house is one thing. Usually I grab a pair of old jeans, a tee and pull my hair back in a ponytail. I do not know the extent of mom's trans awareness . Telling her and showing her pics is one thing but making her say Laura instead of the boy name she gave me is another story... Not that I really care, I love Mom dearly and I don't expect her to change pronouns for me. I talk to her almost every other day on the phone and most of the times, she just changes from he to her in almost every other sentence, LOL Anyways, since we had guests and we were going out, I let my hair down, got my nice embroidered jeans, my new Cure T-shirt and the cute black and violet Ecko's Glenn got me and off I went. I don't usually wear make up around Mom, I kinda go by what she and my sister do, and if they don't wear it, then neither do I. Glenn decided not to go. Argentinean Grilles usually have tripe and blood sausage on the menu, and he didn't feel like dealing with the sight. It still kinda bothers me that he doesn't want to be around my family. I am pretty sure Mom and sis know we're up to no good :-P feminine intuition and all. I am not going to force him, besides we speak alot of Spanish and I don't want him to feel outta place. We had a great time at the restaurant. When we all got introduced the young teen hugged and kissed me along with his mom. Now, in our Latino culture, we hug and kiss a female but we only hug and kiss dad or grandpa. A teen would be very uncomfortable doing it to someone like me in particular. Come to find out he is gay, so I felt very comfortable throughout the dinner. Both our guests were basically on my side during the whole time. It was very easy for them to explain to my mom I had just started my real life and that I should be supported because I was being so brave. I guess they had the impression I was kinda shy or ashamed of who I was, but it all changed when I told them I had never felt better in my whole life. That accepting who I was had been the first step in being happy with myself. I then realized I was actually proud of who I was and felt like I was glowing. We took a couple of pics, cuz of course, I was carrying my camera.
Glenn's friends tonite could have made an entire new blog, maybe I'll get to it later. We went to one of my favorite French/American restaurants in Ft Lauderdale. I knew they were going to be nervous and a bit uncomfortable. Not that they're intolerant or anything like that but they still have some issues they have to get over with. Glenn and his friends usually invite each other for dinner on their b-days. This year G put his foot down and said he was bringing me with him cuz it would be rude not to, living with him gives me such privileges. So I was a bit nervous and I did my make up a bit more detailed than on a friday nite out. Which brings me to comment on how blah those Fridays at the bar make me feel these days. I do like chatting it up with the girls there, but when they start grinding each other while dancing to some bad music the dj puts thru the speakers, it makes me uneasy and uncomfortable. That is not what I want the mainstream patrons to see and give them an idea of what Transgender people are all about. Maybe I am just being anal, and shouldn't worry about it. Still, I think some decorum should be maintained. So back to Sunday, all I can say is that wine makes everyone loosen up. Glenn and his friends were quite tense when we started, but eventually everyone relaxed. I could tell one of G's friends was having a particular hard time looking directly at me. By the end of the night she was glancing and smiling at me but most of the time she had been looking in front of her. I got along with her husband alright. Quite a gregarious fellow, he kept the conversation going. His eye contact was constant. Glenn was quite tense at first, I know he was because he wouldn't look at me. I believe in the power of a smile. I know he looked at me once in a while and saw me smiling at him. He eventually eased up too. I can't say I was as nervous as I thought I would be. I always aced my mid terms and finals without studying much because I was not scared of them. I have always tackled bad situations at work with a straight(no pun intended) mind. I think one of my strengths is to keep cool in adversity. Even though, this was not an extreme case, the challenge was present. I am not sure what kind of impression I made to them but I was happy to oblige :-P
Reading thru Renee's last blog I agreed with her that blogging has not been one of my priorities in the last few months. It always seems like there is a lot to do but basically I think I have been avoiding writing. I don't think there was much to write about, no angst, no drama, just plain domestic issues...like G's birthday for example. Today was my b/f's birthday. Bought him his favorite sweet potato pie, a Star Trek B-day card with Mr. Spock speaking and wrapped The Force Unleashed for the PS3 in some pretty silver paper. Probably tomorrow we will go to the bar and have some shots. My boyfriend will be Glenda (someone you are more familiar with) and we will take some pics with the other girls. Glenda is just one aspect of that wonderful and intricate person that I have come to admire and cherish. It's been a messy month of September as we tried to get used to living in one place. It is hard to feel situated when you have been living alone for years. After a bunch of arguments, sullen moments and silent treatments we have started to make the condo look like it is inhabited by two reasonably sedentary beings. Glenn ran all the wiring and hooked all the electronics together. My pc is working as a media server that contains more than 5500 songs, ripped mostly from my CD collection. Now we have 14 days of uninterrupted music in case the world ends as we know it. I'm in charge of laundry and clean up, stuff I'm used to doing all the time anyways...
Back in my younger pre-married days, I used to listen to music a lot. I used to check on the indie labels and I liked to go to concerts and what not. I thought then, as I think now, that the music they put on radio was crap and choosing what I wanted to hear was very important to me. Very much like the news they feed to you on the main tv networks, it feels like they feed you the predigested crap, what they want you to hear. Hey, who listens or watches FOX news UGH!! Anyhoo, before being caught in the maelstrom of video games I was quite the indie label connoisseur. My favorite was 4AD and SST. 4AD had the Pixies on their roster, one of my favorite bands ever. And this is one part of my life I need to reconnect myself with. I joined EMusic and I am quite pleased with the selection they have there. Now, they don't have much in mainstream music like Rhapsody and I tunes but all the indie labels are there. Just what I needed to catch up from where I left 15 years ago. My school friend Armando and I used to like the same music back in the infamous 80's. We grew up listening to punk rock bands. Sex Pistols, the Clash, the Ramones were kind of on heavy rotation. By the end of the 70's, punk movements had died off and we were listening to post punk bands like the Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees. Kinda fell back on some veteran rockers like Iggy Pop, Lou Reed and David Bowie. People in school kinda scoffed at my predilection for the Beatles but Armando always respected that. After graduation, I did several years in college. Most people there were used to the mainstream and were quite bewildered when I mentioned some of the bands I listened to. Most people I hang out with liked Classic Rock and were quite militant about it. I remember I enjoyed the Doors at this stage of my life. Most of my tapes back then were pirate and bootlegs because I had no access financially for the imports. It all changed when I began living in the US. Originally I was overwhelmed by the variety I could chose from. So, before I met my future bride and had seen the birth of my 2 beautiful children, I had amassed a sizable collection. Some of it is still on tapes, which have withstood a couple hurricanes, long moves from Florida to Michigan and the trip back down. I know they're still in great shape. One day I will figure a way to transfer them to mp3's...So, twenty years later Armando and I are going to compare the music that has shaped our lives. I wonder what he will think of the new stuff I got. I picked up a couple of metal albums, but mainly I remained in the alternative rock arena. In between drinks and anecdotes, I think we will benefit from what each of our collections has to offer. Lots of ripping heh.
A delicate point in conversations between Glenn and I has been the relation to his friends. Some of his very close friends have not wanted to talk about his cross dressing or his relation to me. I have always tried to avoid interfering with his friendships. He admitted he wanted to keep their friendship despite their mild intolerance. I respected that because I understand older friendships need to take their time. Like me, G has very few but close friends. So when Glenn had to go to visit them, I found something else to do. That involved birthdays, some Halloween parties, etc. I'm not a social butterfly so not going there with Glenn didn't particularly affect me. I guess moving in with him changed my status somehow. When G's birthday got here this time, he told his friends that dinner would have to include me. They agreed. I didn't feel I had to dance a victory dance, but do you think they'll like to pose in a pic with me ??? :-P
p.s. by the way, the title of my blog comes from an album I digged out of my collection...
Every time I log on I have the urge to go there. I know it is a shell, an empty husk but it still beckons with that mysterious fascination.I finish reading my mail and I catch up with my bills and my fingers suddenly slip and click on it's bookmark. I glance at the page I had carefully arranged, I check on the old messages and comments. Curiously, some people still update their blasts and what surprises me is that there are still people that are inviting me to be friends. Yahoo 360 is like a ghost ship, a ship abandoned by it's crew, to the dismay of many of the passengers on board... It also reminds me of my only successful attempt to establish a network of friends that shared a desire to express a feminine side, something that the mainstream couldn't grasp that readily. An individual has very little say in the decisions of the huge corporations. It didn't matter if you signed a petition to keep 360 afloat. It probably was a huge waste of time to wait out and see what Yahoo came out with. I looked around but I didn't feel comfortable with any of the other places. What really was decisive in my intention to lose interest in the whole networking idea was me. The appeal vanished little by little. There is a hidden cycle in all things transgender. Like in any group you want to belong to, you want to mingle with other like-minded individuals. I felt the need to establish contact. I needed information, advice and desperately needed to share experiences. You can't do that by being introverted. You start with a couple of pictures and some messenger gossip, until someone tells you to check a site that was competing with URNA. I found 360 easy to use and I was hooked. Until then I had given up on writing, but blogging gave me the hope that my muse would return. She bailed out after I quit college, have caught some fleeting glimpses of her lately but maybe I was just imagining things. Yahoo 360 for me was not the physical network, it was more a state of mind a bunch of people were in at the beginning of 2005. By 2007 it had ran it's course, but I had managed to make some good friends and I had the honor of meeting some of them personally. A core of about 50 girls blogged constantly. We argued, there was drama but in all a sense of a network community was born. I can't deny that it was a web based community, with few anchors in the real world. But the support and camaraderie was real. 360 had the advantage that it could bring together many other Yahoo applications. Flickr for pictures, Yahoo groups for like -minded individuals and YIM for the gossip. Now, everything feels so disjointed and it feeds the apathetic fire.
So life goes on and even though most of it goes unrecorded on any blog of mine, lots of things happened since I moved in with Glenn. The idea that I am now introduced as "Laura, my girlfriend" still tingles my estrogen laden heart. I was looking forward to meeting some of the neighbors, but as Glenn told me, they're nice neighbors, they tend to be quiet and stay inside their homes. It is hard to get adjusted to living with another person again. There are so many things that need to be put away. A lot of things need to be thrown out. It is cool when you find stuff that you couldn't find before. I always thought that I would prefer to live by myself. But I am learning to enjoy Glenn's and Ms Kitty's attention. Past experiences had made up my mind that I was a loner, a maniac who wanted to find stuff in the same place as she had left them in the morning, before going to work. I must say I should have met someone as accommodating as G, years ago...
Socially, I think I have reverted to my earlier years. I don't go out and I am not online a lot. There are so many things to do! I have still to put away a bunch of boxed stuff. I come late from work every time. Lots of Over Time, which helps with the moving expenses. I do not know why I have shied away from the limelight. People who talk to me describe me as down to earth. A guy friend of mine, who I was chatting with the other day told me he was amazed I was not rude or mean when I answered his invite to chat. He was just curious about transgenders and wanted to ask questions. Yea, I know most of those invites are lewd, but once in a while you get the chance to educate, and it makes you feel good. I gave up on trying to attend the local TG group. I still feel like I am the stranger looking in to the political and legal involvement. I do support the LGBT and I do attend Pride but I have left it at that. Not only am I saving money but I think the SCC as a hub for social interaction has lost meaning to me. I think if I want to visit any of the friends I made in the 360 heyday, I can buy an airplane ticket and visit them personally. I have visited Riz on repeated occasions, and now that my kids are in Arizona, I may get the chance to visit some of my West Coast acquaintances. It is commendable of the SCC to unite such a daunting number of TG people in one place, but I always had a problem with crowds, eventually I would miss someone I really wanted to see. So yeah, no SCC this year. It is incredible the amount of SCC related blogs, blasts and comments that are out there. There is even a FlickrSCC theme, incredible!
Nicky's visit this summer brought me also to the realization that sharing life with my sons is definitely the priority. There is a bond that is very hard to ignore. I usually feel very upset if I don't hear from them daily. Sometimes they get in trouble with mom and there grounding includes phone call restrictions. I have made it a priority to have one phone for each child, plus unlimited texting. Sharing pictures and mini videos has become one of our favorite ways of communicating. I have been trying to improve my skills on video games, there are some records they still can't beat.
In conclusion, I miss the camaraderie of 360 but life has kept on going. My regret is that I lost contact with friends I still wanted to keep in touch with. This by the way is the last 360 posting. For those of you reading it on 360, please take note on my blast link. That is where I am going to blog from now on. The pic? That's my new haircut sans make up, cuz who really puts on make up at 900am to go to the hair salon? :-P
Everything right now hinges around the move this weekend. Sometimes I get really excited, sometimes I get a little apprehensive. Other times, I feel a bit nostalgic, but mostly I want to get it over so I can get to the nitty- gritty of my life. Been less than a month since Nicky went back to live with his mom and that still is a weight in my heart. It is hard to cope with the silence and the adult order that now reigns over my place. No laughter, no toys lying around, no dirty little clothes to pick up. The PS3 waiting anxiously for someone to turn it on... I wonder if the whirlwind of emotions is ever going to stop, but the hormone levels have not shown any signs of compassion.
I am excited about my move because it is the first time in eight years. I remember how excited I was to move from Peru to the US, twenty years ago. I knew I was not going to see my college friends anymore, and the two people I knew here (mom and sis) knew basically nothing about me. Yeah, I didn't want to come up here, but that was the only option. I remember the first year I felt terribly isolated and I was soo homesick. I missed my grandparents, whom I had lived for a long time with. Needless to say, I never saw them alive again, and that has always bothered me to the point that I refuse to go back to Peru for a visit. Never heard back from my college friends after a year either. 25 years later, I don't have any idea of what happened to them. They stopped writing to me and cellphones were not in widespread use back then. ( that makes me feel prehistoric :-P)
Moving to Michigan for 3 years increased my irritation towards moving. I lived several years near the frozen lakes and their terrible snow belts. I did enjoy the change of seasons and rural atmosphere but something was calling me back to the great South Florida megalopolis so I moved back. I remember driving the 20 foot U-Haul truck along with a car transport. Did the trip back in 36 hours, non-stop down I-75. It was in coffee and Mountain Dew stupor that I heard over the radio that Joey Ramone had died- I listened to almost 2 hours of Ramones classics, would have been longer but I lost the station as I rumbled on south. I was glad I found my position at my former job open. I also found a rental trailer in the park I had lived before moving up north. My kids had celebrity status in the park. Before them, the owner had refused to rent to people with babies. My then spouse and I had appealed to him, cuz basically we had nowhere else to go. And thus Lil P was the first baby born in the park. Literally. The day the water broke, Renee was inside the trailer and I was grilling dinner outside. She came out and told me she thought her water was about to break, and as she said so... Don't remember what happened to my dinner but I remember we used every available towel on the way to the hospital. But most of my friends in the park have moved on, and it is not the same with strangers I barely know. Nicky didn't want anything to do with the new kids in the park this year, and that was another sign that told me it was time.
This time, however will be in itself another challenge. No more male dude around the neighborhood. Just Laura... will keep you posted :-)
Time's up for 360- seems that the glitches and problems have become unbearable , even for the most stalwart account holders. I don't think I will post any new blogs there anymore. I do hate starting anew in other blog spots, I will have to figure out how they work, eventually. I tried to comment, what's worse, just tried to read some blogs on 360 that I found interesting: I couldn't get there, frustrating isn't the word. That's too bad. I will keep updating my 360 page as best as I can, since I am always getting mail there.
Time's up for my old trailer, a place I have called home for the past seven years. Lots of fond memories and terrifying moments in this place. I remember when I weathered Hurricane Wilma in here. I do consider that, one of the most foolish things I ever did. I've had a lot of fond memories too: the kids brought a lot of noise and laughter to a rather dull and silent area in the trailer park. Unfortunately, termites, crackling fuse boxes and a landlord who does not want to repair stuff, unless he raises the rent has forced me to think about moving. I will be staying in Glenda's house for a while, 'til I get some $$$ saved. I do not want this to be a long term deal. I always will like my own place, I do enjoy my solitude, sometimes. The move is at the end of August, and I am not sure how the router situation is at G's house, so I don't know how I will stay in touch, but I don't think the problem will last more than a couple of weeks :-P I might connect my cell to twitter, which I have found to be quite entertaining and sometimes, informative...
Time's up for Nicky's vacation. We fly to Arizona on Tuesday, since his Mom moved from Michigan. It seems I won't be bugging Riz and her friends anymore. Hopefully, I will find some peeps in Az I can bug :-P Weather in South Florida sucks this time of the year. With showers and thunderstorms daily, we haven't been able to go many places this year. The PS3 came in handy though. My accepting family has adapted quite well to my new identity. my mom and my sister often include me in their conversations- like last nite when they were recounting on the cheap place they had found to do their nails. Haven't heard from my dad though, even when I sent some new pics of me with the kids.
Looking forward to these new developments- it is what makes life less dull.
Had to force myself to sit down and write something before I got rusty. It seems like weeks but I know it's only been a week. I know it's a week because that is the exact time I got my new, shiny PS3. Life has not been the same since then. Tweaking the system, so it has a personal touch takes a little bit, and figuring out a new game takes a little longer. I have been playing Oblivion, and it is, to say the least, quite involving. Getting a new game console came around at a time when I feel quite fed up with 360. I logged on and it took me like 5 tries to get in to my page and 3 more times to post a new blast. I guess the last time I blogged on it was enough. Do not need any aggravation from it. I do not know if it is 360's fault or my own fault that I have been away from the internet but it feels weird. It reminds me of my elementary school days. It always felt weird after summer vacations and you started a new grade. The people and the building were the same but there was something strange and new about it, you didn't know what it was but it didn't feel the same. Anyways, this was quite an eventful weekend. Not only was I working but I had also volunteered to hang out at the TG booth in the Pride Festival in Ft Lauderdale. To top it off, the girls and I stayed up late celebrating my birthday, Friday nite. I had mixed emotions that day, I do not know if going out and partying is getting old or my interests are elsewhere. I had a great time and I appreciated that some friends I hadn't seen in a while showed up. But still I felt this weird feeling that deep inside I was not having as much fun as I wanted.Maybe the fact that my kids have not been in touch as much is weighing heavily on my conscience. I do not know. Pride Festival on Saturday was the total opposite. I didn't know what to expect and I ended up very satisfied with the experience.I have discussed this with G and it seems that attending a Pride event is very politically motivated. I share something with every lesbian, gay and transgender person in the Ft Lauderdale area. To show up does not only mean you want to have fun. But you are attending an event in which there are people that think similarly to you. People that have similar aspirations as you, people that respect you because you accept who they are. This very loosely constitutes our community down here. And I am not saying that because of this I am going to have the same ideas and points of view as every single member of the LGBT community. Finding the meaning of pride is important for each individual. But it is more spectacular when several thousand individuals share this feeling. As always, there were very few transgender folk but at least we had our little table a banner and some brochures to give out. Sunday was pretty much the same except I enjoyed G's company, which kept the booth lively and full of laughs. People watching can be lots of fun, but like G said the foot long crispy hot dog was the highlite of the day, yum! Birthday-wise, I enjoyed some thai on Saturday and on Sunday I dragged G to my mom's for some of her delicious home cooking. I was surprised G behaved so well, his mom raised him well, after all. G got to meet my mom and my sis, and we all had a good time. Well, it seems it's time to go back to Oblivion.
There are too many things in the world that are wrong. I am a mere observer and I really don't think I am a catalyst of tremendous changing powers. All I hope is that my words touch you, reader. Maybe you will understand, maybe you will shrug and go to the next blogger, maybe you will secretly admire me. If I nudged your consciousness, I'll feel content.
What's all this about transgender?, you may ask. All my fellow sisters know the drill, but a mainstream audience may look at a tg site and make up a wrong notion of us. Transgender is not about sexuality but more about gender identity. Transgender is more about a journey than a mere fetish. A transgender person is just another human being trying to live in this world. We work, breathe and eat like any other human being. Unfortunately, for some misjudgement, we don't have the same rights most citizens have. Why is that? Just wanted to make you aware thats' all :-)