Decided to re-open this blog. Using it to communicate with my Spanish speaking friends in Peru...blogs will be in Espanol for a while - Thank you ;-)
Friday, January 23, 2009
A few thoughts after Vacations
Blogging is getting tougher to get to and farther in between these days. Sometimes I wonder if this has to do with having more things to do outside the Internet community or my priorities have changed. I know I'm an unorthodox tgirl, maybe I don't feel a sense of community due to some differences. Someone wrote to me and had figured out my absence was due to the fact I had gone "stealth". LOL I'm unorthodox remember? I do not flinch when they call me sir or dude, I don't think I'm entitled to be called ma'am. I'm not sure where this is going, but not following the operator's manual is normal for me. I thought an update was necessary though, because I tend to forget things. Many personal situations have occurred, and blogs also give me the chance to look back and think a little bit more about them. So, before going back to Fallout, Neopets, Runescape and Mousehunt (geez I've become a geek :-P), here's a few thoughts...
Like getting a new car, for instance. I was really frustrated when the firemen ordered my leaky van to get towed to the pound because it was a fire hazard to the public. Not only was G upset at me but I had all these dark clouds forming in my head because I was again without a vehicle, and now I was like 20 miles away from work. Public transportation in Florida is a joke, so that was not a solution. With some luck and my family's help, I managed to get a new car. But it did not come quite easy. It came with a standard transmission, you know, a "stick". Embarrassingly, I must admit I never learned to drive stick. Yup, at my age... anyways, my main excuse has been the fact that Dad back in the days was very abusive, and quick to beat his kids if they frustrated him. To make a long story short, after a terrifying first driving lesson with dad, I gave up and swore to just use Peru's public transportation, which still is abundant and cheap- better than Florida's I think. But here I was in 2008 with the keys to a car I stalled continously. I was kinds scared when G offered to teach me in his fast Subaru. First, I didn't want to break anything and second, I was apprehensive. I still carry that stigma of someone beating me over stalling. The lessons went ok, but the person who really took one afternoon to teach me was my mom's new husband. I must explain how impressed I was. He is someone who eats, breathes and sleeps World of Warcraft. He will usually not have dinner with us cuz he is doing a quest or raiding some enemy camp. He didn't even get away from his PC for Christmas, yeah HARDCORE. But I felt very honored when he left his PC that Sunday afternoon and taught me the basics. I have been driving the car for several weeks now. I'm not quite the expert but I manage to stall less every day.
I had the chance to visit my kids in Arizona, a couple of weeks ago. It is such a relief to see them, talk to them, hug them and tickle them :-P I always think that when the days at work get longer and my temper grows shorter, then it is time to visit my kids again. Even though, it's more excitement than relaxation, my vacations with them tend to re-energize me. I got the chance to help my little one with his homework, something I have been promising myself for a looong time. I was relieved I didn't react like my dad, I was very patient. What's more important, my older son contributed, which surprised me, due to his highly antagonistic stance to Nicky. Of course, we also had tons of fun. We walked the Strip in Vegas, we climbed to the top of the Stratosphere, we visited Lake Havasu were they fed the pigeons by the London Bridge and we hang out in Laughlin, which is a Casino/Hotel enclave just across the border from Arizona. With a rental car we drove across 3 states: California, Nevada and Arizona, well the gas was cheap a couple of weeks ago. I was pleasantly surprised with the tolerance level of the residents of Arizona. Everywhere we went ( including Vegas) attendants and people in general did not stare or look confused when they were addressing me. Many used Ma'am to address me, but they didn't look flustered when my kids piped in a 'Dad,look here!' Nor did they correct themselves, after they read my name on the debit card. I think their acceptance level is quite higher than in Florida, were people still stare at me. I was quite upset the day I left for vacation. I went to the office to turn in my paperwork before heading to the airport. I had my hair loose, a tight pair of jeans and a not so quite loose tee. I guess they're used to see me with a ponytail, Dickies and a loose Polo. The warehouse manager didn't recognize me and we both laughed. But what bothered me was that one of the girls grabbed another one and pointed to me and started giggling. Now, I usually do not let that bother me, but in this instance, I must admit it made me feel self conscious. Nevertheless, when I got to the airport, the first thing TSA called me was, "this way Ma'am' LOL When my boys lived in Michigan, I knew i would never go back to live there, but now that they live in Arizona, the chances of moving close to them has increased. I feel like I'd be quite at ease living over there.
There are too many things in the world that are wrong. I am a mere observer and I really don't think I am a catalyst of tremendous changing powers. All I hope is that my words touch you, reader. Maybe you will understand, maybe you will shrug and go to the next blogger, maybe you will secretly admire me. If I nudged your consciousness, I'll feel content.
What's all this about transgender?, you may ask. All my fellow sisters know the drill, but a mainstream audience may look at a tg site and make up a wrong notion of us. Transgender is not about sexuality but more about gender identity. Transgender is more about a journey than a mere fetish. A transgender person is just another human being trying to live in this world. We work, breathe and eat like any other human being. Unfortunately, for some misjudgement, we don't have the same rights most citizens have. Why is that? Just wanted to make you aware thats' all :-)